2023 was a real up-and-down year for me.
I had a personal relationship that ended in spectacular fashion (srsly, people have emerged from car wrecks in better shape than I was) and I lost $200 when the Bruins and Celtics both failed to win it all. Thank you, FanDuel and legalized Massachusetts sports betting!
On the plus side, I still have my wavy, curly, gorgeous dark hair (thank you, Propecia - I f*cking love that drug!) and this ridiculous golden era in technology continued to serve me well.
(SIDE NOTE: srsly...NASA recently launched a top secret space plane into space where it might spend years researching things they won't tell us. Mulder, I Want to Believe!)
(SIDE NOTE Part Deux: srsly, srsly again with the srsly? Really? Srsly, yes. So srsly. New goal is to include 22 srsly's in this post. Crap, I forgot what the point of the second side note was. It was about tech. Mmmm. Insert another example of tech that blew my mind in '23).
But, yes, technology in 2023 was off the hook. AI led the way (more on that later), but I first want to turn your attention to two kickass apps I discovered.
App No. 1. The Swimply app! Basically, this thing lets you rent private pools by the hour. If you need to describe it to friends, tell them it's Airbnb for pools. You will sound 10 percent cooler if you do.
The Swimply app works something like this.
Select your location and a nearby pool at someone's home.
Choose your duration. I strongly suggest at least three hours.
Arrive half naked in your swimsuit at a stranger's house and expect an encounter like this.
Me (opens backyard gate, circles pool, inspects it)
Stranger (pops up from the deck)
Me: Oh, hi, we are here to rent the pool.
Stranger: Yes, enjoy.
Me: Is there a bathroom to use?
Stranger: Yep, it's downstairs underneath the deck. Don't hit your head; it's a low ceiling.
Me: Ok, cool, thanks.
Me: Wait, are you the homeowner?
Stranger: No, I'm kinda like the caretaker. I manage it.
Me: Like manage it for some investment property owner? Someone else?
Stranger: Yea, kinda like that.
Me: Ok, cool, thanks.
But, yea. Once you survive that initial awkward encounter it's all downhill from there.
If you're lucky, your pool has a diving board (wee for insurance risk takers!) and a connectable bluetooth speaker system (srsly, connecting to random, public bluetooth either takes seconds or 3.5 years depending on the highly volatile situation. Srsly, it does).
App No. 2!
Who does No. 2 work for? Who does No. 2 work for??? It works for you, the escooter renter. The Lime app! It works something like this.
Travel to a major U.S. city and locate a green scooter with the word "LIME" spelled all over it.
Download Lime app and scan scooter w/ phone to unlock it.
Ride scooter for 12+ hours whizzing at 20+ MPH and have the time of your life.
Get charged enough ($$$) for the rental to buy your own scooter (foreshadowing, another post to come...stay tuned!)
Rest blistered, red hands in ice water.
If you need to describe Lime to friends, tell them it's Airbnb for ebikes and scooters. You will sound 10 percent cooler if you do. Srsly.
Now look - just to warn you - the Lime app has its limitations. This being battery life. This being the scooter's battery life. Once your scooter dies, you gotta hunt for a new one. Sure, the app helps you locate a new one, but it can be quite the challenge if it's a couple of blocks away.
Under no circumstances (unless you are me), should you hop on your friend's scooter for a ride to the next fully charged one. Two scooter riders on one scooter is quite dangerous. I'm telling you this because I did it. Srsly, I did.
So....once you've jogged - not double-scootered - to the next available scooter it's Game On! Until it dies a half hour later. Which is why, ultimately, purchasing one is the best move.
So while the pool and scooter apps are awesome (and, yes, I know they are not new to 2023, just to me) the continued emergence and sophistication of AI gets this non-award winning blogger's No. 1 Tech Vote for Tech in the year 2023.
Grok Spike
Grok - a snarky AI chatbot - launch on Twitter (now known as X) in November 2023. My Twitter feed - for a hot minute - was instantly full of Grok's quirky answers to ridiculous questions. Asking Grok to analyze your Tweets from 2023 and to roast you based on those messages is quite the treat. Here's mine.
Instant Analysis: Grok's Andy Ravens Roast
Not bad. Technology wins this one. Too many posts about the Cape, Pearl Jam and my blog. Got it. But, a big miss on the last name. Thanks for sayin' it's cool, Grok. But, not trying to be cool. It's my real last name. Which I guess is pretty cool. Thanks, Life.
Now, roast ya' self, Grok!
Instant Analysis: Grok selfbot roast.
Needs improvement, Grok! Way too easy on itself. Wit as sharp as a spoon? C'mon, man. Srsly.
Anyway, I'm out of steam and words for the evening. Definitely experiencing a Wendy's food coma right now. Mmmm, cheeseburgers.
I sincerely hope that you guys (and AI bots) have a wicked awesome 2024! Thanks for reading my silliness in 2023.
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